Going it alone

My husband is away for work this week.  He travels often for work, typically a couple trips a month.  He's been doing this for our whole relationship (17 years this summer) so this is nothing new, but it's gotten harder to deal with as I've gotten sicker and since we had a child.  Every time he goes away I strive to keep everything going the way it would if there were two of us here.  I have a hard time just letting things slide...  Unfortunately taking on extra physical work in the house and with our daughter, getting less sleep while he's gone, and trying to keep up with work usually has  a bad effect.  I tend to flare just after his trips.  Needless to say every time he announces a new trip a little anxiety attack sets in.  I've gotten a little better with asking for help...from him and from others.  I try to have him clean up the house and prep for meals before he goes away.  I also try to get some extra help from my in laws or sitters or my family while he's gone.  That helps to make it a little better, but I'd still rather him just be here.  Life would be easier.

Diet

One of the suggestions made by many people, both in healthcare and not, has been to change my diet.  I've tried diet changes before and was uninspired.  However I know changes are necessary.  Due to newfound food allergies, I have been avoiding most sesame, sunflower, and almond products.  This was hard because I like almonds and they are in a lot of dairy-free products.  Speaking of dairy-free, it has also been recommended that I avoid dairy, gluten, sugar, alcohol, and many other inflammatory foods and products.  Torture.  I'm a food person and I find these restrictions really difficult.  I've made changes to easy things, but others are harder.  I find a lot of the so-called substitute products hard to swallow (so to speak).  But some are good and worth the extra money and effort.  I've also been trying to eat more whole foods and avoid processed food...although the two boxes of girl scout cookies I got recently are making that tough!  Right now I'm going for the 80/20 rule and allowing a certain number of "cheats" per day to make it a little easier and more realistic.  Maybe someday I'll hit 100%...

January

I felt like I was dying.  That sounds dramatic, but there's no other way to put it.  My body was breaking down piece by piece. Last year I got gastritis which forced me to make medication changes that eventually caused the rheumatoid arthritis to worsen.  That change in the RA forced me to restart Methotrexate, essentially ending my quest for a second child.  Depression set in.  Migraines came on in a new way that was absolutely sickening.  All of these changes were making it difficult to work, take care of Cassie, and be an active part of my marriage, family, and friends.  Life went on but it was the most difficult time for me since 2009 when my RA had last flared out of control.  I knew something had to change, but I wasn't sure what.  I didn't want to die, but I was hoping for death.  I didn't know a way out.

The night before Thanksgiving, I ran into the head of the acupuncture practice I used to go to.  I told him that I had been meaning to call him for a year and he said well why didn't you?  I think I was so sick that I was unable to reach out.  So I vowed to get through the holidays and then call and I really did!  I went back to acupuncture in January and this started my twisty bumpy road to health and happiness.  (See what I did there?)  He was shocked that I had been going along at the level that I was.  He said he would have been taken down to his knees if his body were where my body was.  My assessment was really scary and all sorts of things were out of whack.  I started going for treatments three times a week and have continued doing so ever since.  I'm still having a very rough time, but I can tell some things are getting better.  Fingers crossed that the improvement continues...

The other day my acupuncturist suggested that I start journaling through a blog so that I can find some peace.  He also thought this could potentially help others someday, others who are going through similar situations.  There have been some dark times and if I can help someone else, I'm more than willing to do so.  During my treatment that day I came up with this silly blog name.  I'm hoping I can keep writing entries until I'm at a point where I feel like myself again.